6/7/2020 11 Comments "Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do." Dr. Brene BrownAccepting your role as a transformational teacher is the first step – bravo! If you thought that was hard…. What if you are not perfect? What if you are not always doing the best you can, or the right thing, or your intentions are right but somehow it lands wrong? Watson (2019) states, “Your true and essential self is exactly the teacher your students need.” That’s’ right – to be the best teacher you can needs only you (what a relief!). I am FAR from perfect. I have many, MANY flaws. I used to be someone who had quite an inflated opinion of myself (which, paradoxically, masked incredible insecurity). I needed to be perfect at all times, and I was crushed when someone had constructive criticism for me. My response was to lash out – how could they not see how amazing I was and that I was killing myself with effort? Needless to say, I was not very accepting of feedback or willing to really examine who I was. Surprise – I had trouble connecting with others, too. I had a lot of fear and I secretly suffered from imposter syndrome. Carrington (2019) says that joy is the most vulnerable emotion on the planet, and when we feel it we often experience fear next because we worry it won’t last or we don’t deserve it. Instead we need to “lean into joy” and experience these moments fully and slowly. The slowly part really resonates with me as back then, I was wound like a top and was very go, go, GO! Life took a 180 degree turn for me when I had my children. There will be more on this later, but in a nutshell what I thought was going to be my life with a dash of mothering attached was SO FAR OFF the mark it was almost funny. Suddenly I was thrown into a situation where I have never felt more incompetent, and the fact that I was not a “natural” parent was devastating to me – why was this so HARD??? The problem was, in the past when I wasn’t good at something I just stopped doing it and moved on to something I could be successful at. But now? I couldn’t give this up – two little people were literally depending on me. So I had to do three things so that we would survive: I had to examine everything that I thought was important and boil it down to the real essential values that I care about, I had to ask for help, and I had to really look at myself and my way of being and learn that not being perfect was totally ok. This shift changed my whole way of being a person. Which of course meant it had great impact on the educator I was/am. Cranton & Carusetta (2004) say that being authentic in teaching requires the act of critical reflection; of our students and colleagues, our relationships and our practices. It also involves a “deep and often intense questioning of self.” In the last 10 years I’ve learned to not only be open to but welcome feedback (for example, I hope you will feel comfortable to share your feedback on this project with me so that I can make it better). I have learned that admitting that there is a problem of practice does not mean I’m not doing a good job, but rather that I need to look more deeply at what’s going on to see where I can improve. I can be vulnerable and honest with others because I realize most people are genuinely there to help me move forward (and you don’t have to use the unhelpful suggestions!) And I ask for help. Interestingly, I am much more confident as a teacher and a mother now admitting I don’t have all of the answers than when I had to pretend that I did. Lukacs & Galluzzo (2014) state that teacher change agents feel confident in their skills as an educator, but can also identify areas for improving practice or student achievement. They actively reach out to their colleagues to gain their commitment and energy to work on school improvement. They work collaboratively with their peers on these improvements; and are able to preserve that collaboration while working through decision making. They are persistent, creative, decisive and willing to think outside of the box. Being able to critically examine your own work (and yes, yourself) for the sake of positive change is quite empowering. So is the ability to accept the things that can’t be changed, especially those parts that make you, you. There will always be flaws, there will always be bad days. There is a lot of wisdom in the serenity prayer… here is my slightly altered version. “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to ask others to help me along the way.” *. *. * Task: Reflect privately on an area of your teaching that you know can improve. Think about ways that you can personally shift your practice to improve it. Think about the people you can ask for help to support your work. Please share a comment below what this post made you consider or wonder about.
11 Comments
Valerie Warner
6/8/2020 02:27:11 pm
Hi Jana - I have read the first 2 sections and since I am not a teacher I will give you broad feedback. I love your honesty and your ability to be humble and vulnerable about how difficult child rearing is. I truly believe your words will be "music" to the ears of teachers and parents. I love how you admit that you felt like an imposter - soooooo common to all professionals, and counsellors like myself hear it all the time. Especially in the first 5-10 years when we are getting real job experience under our belt. I still have the feeling on days when my self esteem is low, and to know that others have it as well is empowering. Otherwise people who are fantastic at their job (like myself when I look at the concrete evidence rather than listen to my "evil twin sister in my head") would give up! The 2 videos on home schooling are priceless!!
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Amal
6/16/2020 05:16:32 pm
I love this Jana. This is so true and deep. Again it makes me feel so much better learning this from an educator like you.
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amal
6/16/2020 06:01:00 pm
Might not* happen
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Jana El-Guebaly
6/17/2020 08:00:43 am
Hi Amal,
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6/19/2020 09:30:36 am
When Jana and I first met I immediately knew we were going to be friends, not just work friends but someone who was going to always be around. I was new to teaching and new to that position as a phys.ed specialist when we first met. I ran the classes, planned everything and did things how I thought they should be done but was ALWAYS aware and self conscious of the teacher that would join each group that came to gym with their two classes. Most of the time no one really said anything or questioned how I did things, and honestly it was good. But lets call it what it was, a comfort zone and nothing grows in a comfort zone. Learning to collaborate with like minded people like Jana was the spark I needed when I didn't know what to do next. We planned Dance units I would never have been able to do on my own and all because I asked for help from her and wasn't afraid to say I couldn't do something or didn't know how to. The creativity that flows from our Dance units flowed into other sports/games which lead to doing more than just simply playing games in the gym. It led to us putting the kids in the drivers seat of their physical learning, with inventive games units, and even more dancing with an interpretive dance of how electricity flows. I think
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Jana El-Guebaly
6/19/2020 09:58:41 am
Nick - its so funny that you wrote this because you changes how I taught phys ed!! Skill building through games and activities that were built in progression was so much better than "what version of dodgeball are we playing TODAY?" You also showed me that phys ed could be tied to curriculum - remember doing the relays that were connected to social studies conversations around equity and global advantages?? I still use your ideas today :)
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6/19/2020 02:23:08 pm
Its interesting the idea of forgiving yourself. I remember during my practicum as I was beginning my teaching career and getting evaluated. My field supervisor would always meet with me at the end and ask the two questions, "what went well and what needed to be worked on?" I received the comment that my issue was seeing only my areas of struggle. I was so self critical and would over think everything. It was paralyzing. Being able to self-analyse was not my issue, it was accepting the 'ish' ness of life and the classroom. The idea that you will never miraculously arrive at the perfect lesson but rather the goal is to just move get better and risk new ideas. For me it needed to be a combination of learning to accept the things I do well and not be so critical, listen to others but not just go do what they suggest rather take time to weigh another experience against my own and then decide my next course change. For me, it was finding the right tension between belief in myself and the humility of learning and growing from others.
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Jana El-Guebaly
6/19/2020 05:51:24 pm
"With my son's struggles with school, I began to fear the teacher who came across like she knew everything and appreciate those who listened to new ideas and believed they had more to learn." Jenn, this is SO true, and an insight i didn't have until I had my own children. I think I used to be the one who looked like she had arrived and I was NOT open...so glad THAT has changed!
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Anne
6/19/2020 08:04:47 pm
I grew up reciting this to help me through every day "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to ask others to help me along the way." I accept responsibility for my own growth so that I can help my children grow. I was told by a young 20 year old friend that I am wise...I laughed enjoying the compliment while acknowledging her reference to my age... with wisdom comes the acceptance that we need to learn, with learning we need to accept that we do not know. Thank you Jana for being one of those that I can always ask to help me along the way....
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Lori
6/22/2020 01:46:31 pm
I laugh as you do when people refer to me as wise or calm lol. It wasn't (and isn't) always that way. Early in my career I didn't feel the need to change anything I was an independent thinker with a self reliant spirit! I'm sure everyone LOVED that! Truth is I am still fiercely independent which is a blessing and a curse but I also have grown enough to know that I am never the smartest person in the room. I've heard it said that eh smartest person in the room is THE ROOM. Collaboration is something that I need to continually be conscious to do because it frankly doesn't come naturally to me. I am much more comfortable with self reliance. What I have come to know and appreciate is that as long as I rely only on myself I am stuck and growth from this place is hard. Only when I open up to the brilliance of those around me do I have the light bulb ah ha moments. Moments of brilliance through collaboration with others. It's true, if you want to go fast go alone, if you want to go far go together.
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jana el-guebaly
6/24/2020 10:39:57 am
One of the best things you taught me Lori is to wait and listen to what others have to say...I have learned so much more from being quiet than doing all of the talking! Leave a Reply. |
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