6/7/2020 11 Comments "Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do." Dr. Brene BrownAccepting your role as a transformational teacher is the first step – bravo! If you thought that was hard…. What if you are not perfect? What if you are not always doing the best you can, or the right thing, or your intentions are right but somehow it lands wrong? Watson (2019) states, “Your true and essential self is exactly the teacher your students need.” That’s’ right – to be the best teacher you can needs only you (what a relief!). I am FAR from perfect. I have many, MANY flaws. I used to be someone who had quite an inflated opinion of myself (which, paradoxically, masked incredible insecurity). I needed to be perfect at all times, and I was crushed when someone had constructive criticism for me. My response was to lash out – how could they not see how amazing I was and that I was killing myself with effort? Needless to say, I was not very accepting of feedback or willing to really examine who I was. Surprise – I had trouble connecting with others, too. I had a lot of fear and I secretly suffered from imposter syndrome. Carrington (2019) says that joy is the most vulnerable emotion on the planet, and when we feel it we often experience fear next because we worry it won’t last or we don’t deserve it. Instead we need to “lean into joy” and experience these moments fully and slowly. The slowly part really resonates with me as back then, I was wound like a top and was very go, go, GO! Life took a 180 degree turn for me when I had my children. There will be more on this later, but in a nutshell what I thought was going to be my life with a dash of mothering attached was SO FAR OFF the mark it was almost funny. Suddenly I was thrown into a situation where I have never felt more incompetent, and the fact that I was not a “natural” parent was devastating to me – why was this so HARD??? The problem was, in the past when I wasn’t good at something I just stopped doing it and moved on to something I could be successful at. But now? I couldn’t give this up – two little people were literally depending on me. So I had to do three things so that we would survive: I had to examine everything that I thought was important and boil it down to the real essential values that I care about, I had to ask for help, and I had to really look at myself and my way of being and learn that not being perfect was totally ok. This shift changed my whole way of being a person. Which of course meant it had great impact on the educator I was/am. Cranton & Carusetta (2004) say that being authentic in teaching requires the act of critical reflection; of our students and colleagues, our relationships and our practices. It also involves a “deep and often intense questioning of self.” In the last 10 years I’ve learned to not only be open to but welcome feedback (for example, I hope you will feel comfortable to share your feedback on this project with me so that I can make it better). I have learned that admitting that there is a problem of practice does not mean I’m not doing a good job, but rather that I need to look more deeply at what’s going on to see where I can improve. I can be vulnerable and honest with others because I realize most people are genuinely there to help me move forward (and you don’t have to use the unhelpful suggestions!) And I ask for help. Interestingly, I am much more confident as a teacher and a mother now admitting I don’t have all of the answers than when I had to pretend that I did. Lukacs & Galluzzo (2014) state that teacher change agents feel confident in their skills as an educator, but can also identify areas for improving practice or student achievement. They actively reach out to their colleagues to gain their commitment and energy to work on school improvement. They work collaboratively with their peers on these improvements; and are able to preserve that collaboration while working through decision making. They are persistent, creative, decisive and willing to think outside of the box. Being able to critically examine your own work (and yes, yourself) for the sake of positive change is quite empowering. So is the ability to accept the things that can’t be changed, especially those parts that make you, you. There will always be flaws, there will always be bad days. There is a lot of wisdom in the serenity prayer… here is my slightly altered version. “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to ask others to help me along the way.” *. *. * Task: Reflect privately on an area of your teaching that you know can improve. Think about ways that you can personally shift your practice to improve it. Think about the people you can ask for help to support your work. Please share a comment below what this post made you consider or wonder about.
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