6/7/2020 8 Comments "Strengthen the courage to do fewer things, so what remains can be done even better."- Angela WatsonI have been reading the book Fewer Things, Better by Angela Watson(2019) and her approach to being the best teacher possible by NOT doing everything has really resonated with me ( she also has a free online course at www.ftbproject.com. on this topic). Here are some of her best "nuggets":
- “You really can’t do it all ... and you don't have to try. The solution is NOT manage your time better or work more efficiently. Or at least that’s not the place to start when you are overwhelmed. The most important step is getting clarity: figuring out what matters most so you can do fewer things, better." - If we spent our days as teachers really working alongside of kids and helping them learn, we would know we had a meaningful and productive day. There is a disconnect between this and how we actually spend the majority of our time, which causes teacher burnout. “So, the goal is to spend the majority of your time doing things that are fulfilling and impactful.” - “you deserve to have time for the things that matter to you and help you maintain your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health.” “People may not like that you are less available… but they will learn to respect you and the way you set boundaries. You will grow to prefer being respected rather than needing to be liked.” I used to be an extremely perfectionist, high achieving, "do everything thrown at me" teacher (more on that later) which was really great for my career and the principals I worked for, but not really great for me. I was highly stressed and was constantly buzzing with activity. I also was often hard to tolerate - heaven help you if you had constructive criticism for me! All of that changed after I became a mother. I'll admit that part of the change was due to going on medication (one of the best decisions of my life!!!) but it was mainly due to the sheer impossibility of operating of that high level of intensity and seeking perfection in situations in which I was not in control (who knew two tiny, non-verbal would completely run the show?! and then when they started to speak? Even less control on my part). When I went back to work I tried to recapture that high achiever part of me in my work, and I just. Could. Not. Not only was there no time, there was no energy and frankly, the desire was no longer there. The desire to be my best self for my kids far outweighed being the best teacher... which ironically has helped me be a better teacher! Sekreter (2019) states “Highly emotionally intelligent teachers appear to experience significantly less stress at work that less emotionally intelligent counterparts." Knowing what is important, and what supports our well-being also supports our classrooms. The rest can go. Parenting happily and maintaining sanity was a main reason why I did not become an AP after an acting assistant principalship when my children were 3 years old, even though it was offered. It's one of the main reason's I do not pursue becoming a principal now (that and...are you kidding me?? My job is GREAT! THAT job looks terrifying!!). I recently had a revisiting of the decisions I've made after an hour long conversation with my EDER 619 professor, Bernard Potvin. I ended up writing him an email after a bit of a breakdown, but because I think it captures what I am trying to say about teaching and self care, I will share it here: Dear Bernie, (May 23/2020) First I want to thank you for spending time with me yesterday to talk about education contexts, and also possibilities for my (professional development program). I left the conversation with my mind spinning, and thought about it for a good 6 hours. Then, in the middle of watching a tv show with my husband, I burst into tears. Amidst sobs, I then talked through with him why I was having such an emotional reaction. I'd like to share with you as well so that you can understand my next steps in your course. I am going to try to be as brief as possible to save you reading a novel (you said I should write a book, right??), and also you are going to have to forgive anything I say that might sound arrogant as this is not my intent. I am only trying to explain the context. Yesterday I felt you recognized the potential in me to do something really powerful in the world of education. This is not the first time this has happened to me. I used to be a very different person on a very different academic and career path. I used to be a very driven, perfectionistic, controlling, ambitious and intellectually confident person. I knew that I was smart and talented and I "did not suffer fools lightly." I was lucky enough to be in the GATE program. I was NOT good at making friends (no surprises there) until I found a tribe of people in high school who could tolerate all of my "insufferabilities" to get at the big heart that was underneath. When I became a teacher I tackled everything that was thrown at me and I shone in those roles and quickly began to make a name for myself in the CBE. After 5 years I opened a GATE program in the NE, a political move by the CBE, and I became known as a fierce advocate for gifted children, especially those who were dually coded. I then did my degree in gifted education, again making my mark there under Dr Michael Pyryt. One of the papers I am most proud of from that time had to do with addressing the supposed wasting of gifted potential of women when they chose to become mothers. I thought this was absolutely preposterous - I was not yet a mother, but had been trying for the three years previous through medical means to have this dream fulfilled. I believed that being the best mother you could be, and raising wonderful children was absolutely a way of fulfilling gifted potential. I did not agree that gifted accomplishment was only valid in professional or academic realms. And then, I DID become a mother! To twins (son Jalen and daughter Nadia). And even though my daughter was in the hospital for consistently seizing at 5 weeks, even though she was then followed by neurology, metabolics, speech, physiotherapy, occupational therapy, developmental pediatricians and the vision clinic for her first three years, I returned to the world of GATE and regained my climb. But through it all I knew that there was no way that I could continue being perfectionist, ambitious, even "elitist" in my world view. Nadia changed EVERYTHING for me. Suddenly, just good enough had to be okay, and now I measured my family's successes in happiness. When my daughter was 3 she stopped sleeping. And she was diagnosed with Autism. And my marriage fell apart. And I left GATE to teach much closer to home because I knew that my children and their happiness was the first and most important priority. It has been 9 years since that diagnoses. I have managed to raise the most socially engaging, hilarious, humorous, nutbar sunshine kid who truly lives in a world filled with glitter and rainbows. And her brother is on one of the kindest, most empathetic and responsible children I have ever met, all while being loud and dramatic and full of fun. They adore each other and me, and I adore them. So why do I tell you all this? Yesterday I felt I had two selves clashing - what I know to do to be the best mother I can be (and I think I was right - motherhood can most definitely express gifted potential), and the side of myself that pursues knowledge, success and challenge and wants to rise beyond others expectations...and motherhood wins, no contest. Being a mother is the expression of my best self, and I can't sacrifice that. So I will only be able to create a PDP that is "just good enough" that doesn't allow room for further exploration (not now anyway). Or, if you'd allow me, I'd passionately pursue the content of this email in a fleshed out research paper, but that is way off course. I hope you understand my reasons for saying no, even though there is a part of me that very much wishes I could explore such a venture. I am very pleased and proud that you see in me something worth some more time and intervention - glad its still there! I really value clear communication and have learned that I can only explain what I'm thinking/feeling to others if I tell them. Thank you for indulging me in this very long email. Sincerely, Jana Angela Watson has one more "nugget" I'd like you to consider: “To whom are you truly irreplaceable?” Where is it essential that you show up? What are the things that really, truly matter to you? Figuring out what truly matters and getting rid of the things that don't is not easy, but its worth it. That is courageous self care. Please follow this link for an interactive response slide. www.menti.com/tms2tks7he View the results : www.mentimeter.com/s/ee732762f30acc9c203f20cdde341265/87dd7ff06be6 *. *. * Please share a comment below what this post made you consider or wonder about.
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